my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
