If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
