i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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