If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
