You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
