I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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