All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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