i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
