Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
