i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
