we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
