I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
