Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
