Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
