you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
