It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
