My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
