just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
