That's when you crack a 10am beer
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
