ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
