Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
