we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
