I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
