You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
