I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
