i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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