4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
