every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
