She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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