Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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