i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
