I wannas sexs uuuuu
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
