Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
