Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
