Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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