it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
