I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
