You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
