he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
