Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
