that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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