i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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