yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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