he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
