I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
