The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
