I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
