My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
