problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
