piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
