the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
